my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
