my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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