What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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