I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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