You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
