Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
