I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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