Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
