I think I died a long time ago.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
