Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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