im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
