I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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