Your tits are I can't wait for
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
