I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
