I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
