i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
