I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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