I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
