girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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