im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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