I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
