OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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