Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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