WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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