omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
