I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
