For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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