So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
