I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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