if i died would you start the facebook group?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize