You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
