the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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