@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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