I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
