cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize