If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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