Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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