He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
