Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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