Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
