Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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