I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
