I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
