You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
