My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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