I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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