my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
