i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
