Too much gin, very little bucket
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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