No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
