Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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