At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm too high and old for this...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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