No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
