so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
