I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize