Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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