the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
