So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have post one night stand depression
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