this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
