my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
