He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
