It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
