I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You took a bar mat shot.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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