Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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