I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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