Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
