Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
