Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
