her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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