i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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