My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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