doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
