I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
