Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
