Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
