apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
